Proof that cats have been controlling us the whole time

Are you a cat owner? That’s a trick question. Of course you’re not — your cat owns you! They cleverly decide when to shower you with affection and when to leave you wanting more. And when it comes to bonding, you follow their lead. So, why exactly is it so hard to resist their charms?

Two words: mind games. Hear us out, because we think there’s a reason they’ve been enchanting us for so long. Keep scrolling for the irrefutable evidence.

It began almost 10,000 years ago.

Don’t think cats didn’t know what they were doing. Back when they were still feral, they cozied up to human farmers and helped them kill rats. Farmers, so appreciative of this gesture, invited them inside for a meal.

help you

"Here, let me

help you with

with this, human."

Gaming the egyptians

Cats continued their assertion over the human race nearly 4,000 years ago by convincing the Egyptians to worship them like gods. In this phase of world domination, they protected people from venomous snakes and scorpions.

In return, the Egyptians created cat deities like Bastet — half cat, half woman, all curves. She was a figure so admired that the festival in her honor was one of the largest and most celebrated events in ancient times.

Eventually, the people of Egypt were so taken with felines, they domesticated them, too. Another score for cats.

Why yes

"Why yes,

I will come inside."

So, your cat convinced you to let them move in, too?

You’re not alone. Your cat may be your roommate and best friend, but now’s not the time to let down your guard. They’re still hatching nefarious plans and preparing for the next phase: claiming you as their own.

Consider this: They’re constantly marking their territory. That “accident” on the carpet? That adorable head nuzzle in your hand? It’s all part of a plot to spread their scent and make you theirs. And we poor humans happily fall for it every time.

Spooky staring, explained

Spooky staring,


Ever wondered why your cat stares at the wall in the middle of the night? Scientists have tried to explain this behavior by pointing to the number of rods in their eyes, which allow them to see better in lower light and give them superior peripheral vision.
But what if cats are simply communicating with spirits to read our thoughts?
Wait, no; that’s ridiculous. Cats may be masters at getting us to run to fill their food dish at the faintest “mrroaow,” but they can’t actually control our minds, right?
… right?
It seems cat owners have a choice: Either resist your cat, or cater to their every whim and DESIRE™. It’s pretty clear what choice we’ve made. After all, we’ve dedicated ourselves to giving cats what they want since 1988.
Our advice? Simply accept that your cat will continue to play mind games and you’ll continue to love it. Oh, and pass the DINE® meals.

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